reflection

I dont like to be a mushy, gushy person.  I have always preferred to be "tough" and not "girly."  I dont like to cry, or be all emotional.  Well, I hate to admit, but my kids have turned me into a mushy gushy person (sometimes).  Tonight, I had one of those melt- a- mama's heart moments.  The night was normal like any other night.  After dinner the boys played, and we then went for a walk.  They played in the sprinklers after the walk, and then they took bath's (separately because Wesley still has some Molluscum bumps).  I warmed up milk for Chase (he doesn't like it cold), and I then had Wesley tell him goodnight.  Wesley usually plays by him self, or watches Dora while I put Chase to bed.  I went in my room, and held Chase next to me while he drank his bottle.  I have explained the routine in a recent post, so I wont go into more detail. I will reiterate that I do enjoy that time to rewind and relax with my squishy.  Tonight he took his time drinking milk, and didn't fall asleep immediately after eating. Sometimes I am in a hurry to go spend time with Wesley, or do less important things like watch tv or go on the computer.  Wesley was in the hall trying to get my attention and would peak his head in the room.  I kindly told him I would be with him in a minute, but I was putting Chase to bed and to give me a little time.  Even if only for a few minutes, I knew I needed to spend just a little while with my little Chase.  He is getting big, and I dont know how much longer he will want to be held so close.  He snuggled next to me, and just starred into my eyes.  I nuzzled close and gave him some kisses on the cheek and he giggled while still holding his pacifier in his mouth.  I rubbed my fingers over his face, and he closed his eyes and softly giggled some more.  I know..I know..if this is too mushy for you, then stop reading, lol.  He was so sweet, and so relaxed.  I am grateful that he  trusts me, and loves me enough to just completely relax in my arms, and to enjoy being close.  He was so still, and so peaceful.  He would look at me, and as if he could feel all the love I have for him, he would just give me a sweet little smile.    We just sat there for a few minutes, not really talking; just smiling at each other, giving kisses, and taking away each other's stresses from the day.   Wesley kept peaking in, and Chase was finally falling asleep.  I put him in his bed, and admired his sweet spirit, and cute baby body.  I walked out to go spend a few minutes with Wesley, and his face lit up.  "Mommy!!! Look!!!  I made a church!!!"  He had built a little church out of five blocks.  There was a triangle in the back that looked like a steeple.  He was so excited to show me his creation, and was so happy to spend a few minutes with me reading bedtime books.  I skipped a few pages in one of his long books, and he knew and made me read them, lol.  There is great responsibility in bringing little humans into this world. It amazes me how completely helpless and dependent babies (and kids) are on their parents, and yet they put 100% trust in them.  They rely on me for everything...and I need to make sure I am giving them the best possible life. I feel so sad to think about the sweet kids that so eagerly want to be loved...to be nuzzled at night, to show their parents their block creation...to be told they are the most important people in their parent's life, and yet...they are neglected, abandoned, or abused.  It should not be that way.  It makes me so upset and sad.  I never cared, or thought about that  until I had my own kids.  It is sad to think how many kids are not even being loved.  :-(  As a parent, I get mad and frustrated and upset, but I know my kids will always be able to say that their Mommy (and Daddy) loves them!!