A letter to my boys....

My dear, sweet little boys (and this applies to any future children I might have waiting in heaven!),

At the end of the day I often wonder to myself, "Did I kiss you enough today?"  "Did I tell you I love you enough today?"  "Did I get mad too much?  Did I get frustrated too much?  Did I spend too much time on the computer, and not enough time down on the floor playing with you?"  If something happened to me tomorrow, how would you remember me?  These are hard questions for any parent to ask, and I want to make sure you know, with absolute certainty, how much I love you. 

Life in and of itself is a beautiful thing.  There is happiness, and there is joy.  There are amazing opportunities, and lots of fun to be had.  Life is great, but until you both joined Mommy and Daddy on this amazing journey, life was lacking something.  It was missing a big piece of the puzzle, and there was a hole.  I thought I knew happiness, but I was wrong.  Life with children brings on a whole new universe of meaning.  After I had both of you, my life became OUR life.  My world became OUR world.  The grass became greener.  The sky became bluer.  The mountains became taller.  The world became happier.  Life had more meaning - it had greater purpose.  I don't think my life could possibly gain any more purpose than it has after having my children.  YOU are my world...YOU are my light.  Chase, Wesley, and Daddy - you are all my greatest blessings.  I am beaming thinking about how blessed I am.  How did I get sooo lucky to get you as my very own?  How did I become so blessed as to have received your sweet spirits into my life to raise and guide though this mortal existence?  I couldn't have picked two better, sweeter, and more wonderful boys as YOU - Wesley and Chase.  I got the best!  I want you to always know that!  I think you were placed in my life because each of you blesses our home in your unique ways, and we need you.  You have great purpose in this life, and you are meant to be here at this time with us.  Your little spirit was made for Daddy and I.  I would like to think I was meant to be your mom from the moment I was born, and that I have the exact tools to raise your unique personalities.  I have so much fun with both of you, and no one can make me smile as big as my boys can!  I think life moves so fast, and Mommy gets caught up too much in the messes and in housework.  I am sorry.  I want to be better.  I want to enjoy every minute of this sweet existence with two little beings, fresh from heaven.  There is no greater way to spend my time, and I want you to know that.   Mommy gets tired, and Mommy needs breaks.  Mommy gets frustrated, and is not perfect.  I don't want you to ever feel that anything is more important though, than you.  Nothing in the world is more important that our time together, and feel free to remind me if I seem to be taking too many "Mommy breaks."   I hope you both know that there is nothing in the world that could possibly compare or be more important than spending each day with you both - teaching, laughing, playing, praying, learning, and loving.  I might need to re-prioritize to make sure there is more laughing than crying, and more loving than disciplining.  Just remember though - Mommy puts you in time out because of love, so you will hopefully grow to be well balanced and well nurtured.   You will understand one day when you are blessed with sweet little spirits in your life.  You will both make great dads!  Being a parent is the hardest thing in the world, and I try my very best to raise you right, and to make sure you will be prepared to venture off on your own someday to experience your own amazing adventures in life.  I know I have said it before, but I never want you to doubt it - I KNOW the world is happier with you in it.  I KNOW you will both do great things in this life.  I KNOW you will be amazing at anything you want to do.  I want you to be happy, and I want you to stay close to the church.  I hope you have a very rewarding life, as you have made my life.  I will always be here for you for anything you need.  I will always love you, and I will always be near to help guide you though life when it might get tough.   I love you, I am so grateful for you, and thank you for being my greatest blessings!  Love forever and ever, Mommy