And yet, I want more....

Last Sunday was pretty normal.  The boys fought over food, leaving Chase in tears (and once that happens, it takes a while to console him).  I had to take him out and walk him around in the halls.  Earlier Wesley was being really loud and disruptive during the opening prayer.  I warned him that if he kept acting that way, I would have to take him out for a time out.  He then proceeded to loudly scream, "I DON"T WANT TO GO TO TIME OUT!" Over and over again for all to hear.  I tried talking to him, but he was so loud, all we could do was take him out to calm him down.  I usually don't get to listen to what is going on (which I don't always mind, lol).   One Sunday Jason was gone, and Wesley started throwing a tantrum.  Chase was little, and I had to get out of sacrament fast.  I grabbed Wesley, and he became the limp noodle.  I had Chase in one arm, and all I could do was drag limp Wesley out the door by the other arm while everyone watched.  I was pretty embarrassed at the time, but it is funny now.  Sometimes it is hard having loud kids at church, but I think it will be even harder when the day comes that my row is quiet again and my kids are gone.  I secretly enjoy taking the kids out, and walking around the halls.  Sometimes I need a stretch as much as they do  :-) 

Tonight during dinner, the boys were being loud and silly.  Wesley was flinging food, and I dismissed him from the table.  He then informed me that Daisy had peed on the carpet (she has been doing this a lot lately).  I put her outside, and started cleaning up the mess.  Not a minute later, Wesley comes over to me with slimy hands.  "Mommy - there are gooey ducks inside eggs."  Jason had made breakfast burritos before church, and had a bunch of broken egg shells in an egg carton on the counter.  I asked Wesley if he touched the eggs (the evidence was pretty clear!)  He told me no, and I sent him to time out for fibbing (after cleaning his hands of course).  I am trying to teach my kids that lying is often worse than doing something naughty in the first place.  I come back, and Chase has dumped all his water all over his food.  I sigh, but I look at his sweet innocent face, and I give him a kiss.  He is only a baby I remind myself.  I think to myself, "Even after all of this, I still want more!"


A few days ago I was in Target down one of the food aisles, and Chase started melting. Normally he is a really easy baby(he is almost two, but he is my baby) to take places.  As long as he has food, or his pacifier, he sits in the cart and is usually pretty mellow.  Recently, the terrible two's have started, and he is becoming a little more challenging.  I think it is harder because he doesn't talk, and he gets frustrated not being able to communicate, so he just kind of "melts" as I call it.  He started screaming and arching his back while I was shopping for some food.  I didn't want to let him out to run a muck, but I couldn't have him screaming the whole time. I took him out of the cart, and he sprawled himself all over the floor and continued screaming.  Wesley was exploring the aisles, hunting for treasure and touching all the glass containers.  I was trying to keep him nearby, while trying to control the Chase situation.  I pick Chase up thinking all he wants is to be held, but he arched his back and continued to cry.  People were looking by now, and I was frustrated.  He didn't want the cart.  He didn't want to walk.  He didn't want to be held.  I didn't have any other options, and didn't really know what to do.  I couldn't hold him while he was wiggling and kicking, and push the cart at the same time, all while keeping Wesley by my side.  Eventually he calmed down, and they both ran around the store giggling and screaming with delight at their freedom while I attempted to chase after them both.  Ha ha ha.  Even during all of this I thought to myself, "no matter how crazy this may look to other people - I still want more!" 

Recently I have had some hard moments like all moms do, and the thought pops into my head: "Do I want more kids?"  I never have to think twice even during the hard times. 

Why?!  I have asked myself this question many times.  Having kids is the absolute hardest thing one can ever do with their life.  A mom and a dad are responsible for teaching and rearing their children to be righteous, respectful, good, honest people who make a difference in this world and will be able to return to Heavenly Father someday.  Yikes - biggest...responsibility....EVER.  Forget all the Physics, Chemistry, Biology, Calculus, and other science classes I have taken.  Forget all the projects, midterms, finals, and papers.  Being a mom is harder and more challenging that all of that put together.  However, at that time in my life while I went to college, getting good grades was what I lived for.  I loved school, and I loved being at the top of my class.  I loved seeing those A's on my report card, and I loved dedicating myself to learning.  Going to school is one of the hardest things I have ever done (next to being a mom), and because of that, it is also the most rewarding.  I am so very grateful and blessed that I was able to go to good schools, and that I was able to dedicate so many years  to learning and getting a degree.  It was a time for just myself. However, as amazing as it was to excel in school, and as awesome and wonderful as those experiences were, nothing compares to the rewards that come with being a mom.  While I do feel like I get little "A's" in parenting here and there - like when Wesley's says thank you with out being prompted, or when Chase shares his food with Wesley without being asked - I also feel like the big grade will not come for a long time.  I think the harder and more challenging something is, the greater the reward.  My hardest classes were my best classes.  Parenting can be brutal, but it is amazing, and the most rewarding thing anyone can do with their life.  Kids are HARD.  They are messy. My carpet - a complete mess.  We put brand new carpet in our house when we moved in 4 years ago, and it is completely stained and messed up.  Our nice wooden entertainment center has scratches on it.  Sippy cups full of milk seem to get lost almost daily creating hidden pools full of smelly curdled milk.  It takes over an hour just to get out the door - we have to get dressed (which is a big ordeal some days), we have to brush everyone's teeth, find socks, find shoes, make sure the diaper bag is stocked with the essentials, and plenty of food for Chase, we have to make sure Chase has his pacifier, and that hair is brushed, and so on.  Kids don't listen.  Kids make you cry.  Kids make you want to scream.  Kids make you go crazy!  However, kids make your heart explode with more love than you ever thought was possible.  Life is so much more exciting with kids.  It is so much richer, and so much fuller. A simple, sweet, smile is all it takes to make me forget about everything else in the entire world, and only focus on the pure love that my sweet child has for his mama.  I would never, ever, ever trade my crazy, hectic, busy life with kids for a more simple life without kids. No way.  Not ever.  As much as having toys all over the floors bothers me now, I know in 30 years when the toys are all gone I will be sad.   Not only will the toys be gone, but the sweet laughter, and the sequels of childhood happiness will be gone too.  Having two boys gets loud, but the silence is lonely.  A home is never more blessed that when sweet children fill its walls with love. 

If my kids only remember one thing from their childhood, I hope it will be the undeniable knowledge that they were loved, cherished, needed, and important.  I know the world is a better place because my little Wesley and Chase are in it.  I am their mommy, and nothing gets better than that.  There is no greater way to change the world for good that to raise a righteous, precious child. That is why I want more kids, because they are the greatest gift.  I am not saying I want another right now necessarily.  We have a lot of things to think about before welcoming another baby into our family. Enjoying the moment, and cherishing my boys right now is the most important.